Directed by Mike Maguire, Tom Kuntz | Starring: Len Cariou, Steven Seagal, Larissa Laskin, Ken Takemoto

Venerable newscaster Norm Archer reports the latest news in politics, health, culture and entertainment - such as an automotive recall of decapitation-inducing "Neckbelts" and a study finding that "depression hits losers hardest". This compilation of bogus news stories, celebrity profiles, movie trailers and skits come courtesy of the ace satirists at The Onion.

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